


Of Crows And Penguins

by Erin_Knightly_Tetch



Series: The Erin Knightly Trilogy [2]
Category: Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Friendship, Near Death Experiences, Teacher-Student Relationship, parental guardian, parental jonathan crane
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 16:32:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16122458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erin_Knightly_Tetch/pseuds/Erin_Knightly_Tetch
Summary: Welcome back reader! Did you enjoy "I'll Tell You When I Get There?" Good!It's time for the 2nd installment of this harrowing trilogy: "Of Crows and Penguins".Our story continues as we follow Erin through ages 17 to about age 26. Here she meets Professor Jonathan Crane and decides she needs help due to her ongoing depression. The two become unlikely friends and Crane decides instead of making her his guinea pig to actually help Erin and later, decides to be her new parental guardian; Crane however can not shield her from a later romance with the Iceberg Lounge's owner Oswald Cobblepot aka The Penguin and meeting other new faces of Gotham's rogue's gallery. Erin's journey is a dark and life lessoning one as she tries to find a 'new life' in Gotham City...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I own Erin Knightly, her parents & her backstory.
> 
> All Batman characters & it's elements belong to DC Comics.

Professor Jonathan Crane was a tall, thin man with short, dark ginger hair and dark framed glasses. He looked like the wind would carry him away if he stepped outside but he seemed to hold himself in a manner that seemed sturdy and stead-fast. His clothes were a dark tweed coat with leather patches on the elbows, a tan colored collard shirt with a dark brown and grey vest and a dark red tie. Darker slacks to match his jacket and a pair of leather shoes that looked worn and well used. Erin found him extremely intimidating as she quietly entered his class room a few minutes early and seemed keen on not making any noise as she found a seat in the front row. She had gotten up early that morning and found she was too nervous to eat anything besides her usual hot cup of tea. Crane had his back to her and was making notes on the chalk board and seemed to not even mind she had come to class early.

"Find my class room alright, Ms. Knightly?" He asked a very quiet tone that held no real emotion besides politeness, still facing the chalk board, one arm behind his back, his fingers seemed to be moving in sequences as though counting. 

"Fine, sir", Erin nearly dropped her bag in a moment of skittishness as she hadn't expected him to even notice her or know that it was her. _How did he know?_

In fact, ever since meeting him in the library last week, she had been kind of unnerved and also curious and had kept an eye out for him. Then, a couple of days later, she had gotten the envelope from the dean of the university and an edited schedule from the freshmen counselor saying she had been moved into Crane's psychology class despite the fact that class was for Juniors and Seniors generally. _'Professor Crane was adamant you join his class because of your grades and your studious nature. He thinks you'll thrive in his class where other students don't seem to be, in his opinion'_ was what the dean had said in his letter. 

Professor Crane stopped in mid-writing on the chalk board and seemed to stare at it for a time before placing the chalk down on the metal bar and pull a clothe from his pocket and wipe his hands before returning it. Turning slow to regard Erin, he eyed her over his glasses before bushing them back to the bridge of his nose and came to stand by his desk. Erin took her seat and started to pull out her books, note book and a pencil from her bag. 

"I just want you to take notes for today", Crane told her, making her jump again, "I'll still give you homework like everyone else but I don't want you to fret because you're new to my class. There is a quiz tomorrow but that's just for my older students. I'll have you sit in my office tomorrow and do some reading, which I'll assign to you at the end". 

Erin found herself nodding, "Okay", she paused, looking at him for a moment and wondering if asking couldn't hurt either, "Can I take the quiz?" She wanted to know. 

A dark thin eyebrow lifted for a moment, "You want to take it?" His tone didn't change but there was seemed to be surprise behind it. 

The redhead shrugged a bit, "I know I'm new to the class but I can try to learn the material. I can take a practice quiz if you'd like me to". She was eager to learn and didn't want to be treated like the new kid just because she was younger then that of her classmates. 

Crane seemed almost pleased to hear this. He had gotten some idiot, hair twirling giggling girls over the first couple of years he'd been working here who wanted to be treated special if they were new or under classmen who got into his class by chance due to grades or schedules ended up getting mixed up by the semester rotation. Whatever the case, Erin was not some doe-eyed simpleton looking for an easy grade just because she was a girl or because she was new. Crane moved to his desk and took out a packet and placed it on her desk. 

"Thank you, Professor", Erin gave him a smile as she tucked the packet away. 

Crane tapped her desk with two of his fingers, which she took as code for _'you're welcome'_ as students started to file into the class room, either chatting quietly in groups of two's or four's or some quietly taking out their books and notebooks before sitting down. Erin kept her head down and didn't look at anyone as a few people took seats around her in the front row. The classroom got instantly quiet and then Crane spoke. His voice was very gaunt and very quiet but nobody even dared cough and seemed to only shift if only to start writing down notes from the board, as the tall man instructed them to. Erin kept her eyes on Crane every so often as she wrote in her notebook, making the exact same marks, stops, sentence indentation as he did so that her notes matched precisely. 

"Today I'm going to introduce you all to the subconscious", Crane spoke to his class, "Who can tell me which psychologist coined this turn of phrase?" 

Erin, being used to doing so in high school, shot her hand up immediately and a few heads turned in the class. She slowly started to put her hand down in panic but Crane's dark brown eyes seemed to put a spotlight on her instantly. 

"The word "subconscious" represents an anglicized version of the French subconscient as coined by the psychologist Pierre Janet (1859-1947), who argued that underneath the layers of critical-thought functions of the conscious mind lay a powerful awareness that he called the subconscious mind", Erin answered, voice shaking quietly, getting nervous she talked quickly, "Under hypnosis, older people can often remember, with perfect clarity, events from fifty years before. Your unconscious memory is virtually perfect. It is your conscious recall that is suspect. The function of your subconscious mind is to store and retrieve data", her breath was heavy as she glanced around and then seemed to want to disappear as she looked down at her notebook. 

"Very good, Ms. Knightly", a pause like a skipped beat, "Well, why aren't you writing that down?" Crane asked, in an almost disappointed tone, while he was writing it down in cliff notes. The chalk making an awful scratching noise each time it met with the board. 

Erin grabbed her pen and made her own cliff notes in her notebook. The rest of the class went on like this, Crane calling on her to answer even though she didn't raise her hand. Her face was beat red with embarrassment by the end of the period and she stayed behind to let everyone leave first. Crane was at his desk writing on a piece of paper. As the redhead rose from her chair to finally go, he got up from his desk and walked over to her, holding out a piece of paper. 

"Your reading material", he said with little interest. 

Erin took the piece of paper and placed it in her bag and started to head for the door before turning on her heel and looking at him with confusion, "Sir, why did you call on me during class? There were others with their hands raised", she pointed out. 

Crane was putting papers and some things from his desk into a worn looking briefcase and didn't look at her as he answered, "I had to know", was all he said before stating he had to head to the next building for a lecture he had to give and told her to get to class. 

Erin followed him out into the hallway and lost sight of him has he went to an exit not surrounded by people and disappeared into the campus grounds the partly cloudy daylight. Erin stood there boggled about her first day in Crane's class and the oddness of it all. 

_He had to know? What did that mean?_

Brushing it off as possibly nothing, maybe the dean was right and Crane just thought she was a good student, either way, it was just odd. Something else she noticed about Crane was that there were lines under his eyes as though he hadn't slept in hours and his fingers were thin, like straw. He reminded her of a very modern Ichabod Crane. Erin set off for her next class and just shrugged off her first day of Psychology as nothing more then nerves and she'd be fine by tomorrow and possibly next week once she was more comfortable. 

\- - 

Crane was thankful when the lecture was over and he grabbed a free cup of coffee from the cart that they had set up on the side for all the teachers, speakers, professors and the like that worked on campus or just passed through. Sometimes the seniors who did nothing but do school work would sit in the lecture hall and do nothing but drink coffee, put in their headphones and work on term papers. After leaving the lecture building, he immediately left the campus and headed in the opposite direction of the bustling college scene in Gotham and went down to the corner and grabbed the bus that headed downtown and towards the narrows. Crane had grabbed a newspaper and sat in a way that made people veer away from him and leave him be. 

Dropping a tip in the small tin at the front of the bus once the bus came to his stop, Crane got off and walked in the direction of his apartment. It was essential to blend in and do things like leave tips and say 'thank you' so nobody questioned you or your whereabouts. The part time professor lived in a shabby hide-away that was more then enough for one person. It had a bathroom, a kitchen and he had turned his bedroom into an office of sorts. He slept on the couch in the living space because he found the bed was too lumpy and he didn't care for comfort all that much. As long as he could catch a few naps here and there, this apartment worked. He put his brief case on his desk and took a long glance at a sheet covering another table near the back of the bedroom. Despite the fact he had curtains up and all the windows were covered by newspaper, he'd wait until night fall to uncover it. 

Going to the freezer, Crane pulled out a chicken pot pie. Reading the directions, he preheated his oven and once it was ready, he put the pie on a pan and put it in. Setting his watch for the correct time of which the pie would be done, Crane went to his desk and turned on his computer. It was in sleep mode and all he had to do was put in his password. He had downloaded all of Erin's information from the school's files into a document. Her records for school and any public information were there. This is how he had determined she'd be an excellent addition to his class but that wasn't the case, at first. 

When he'd saw her in the library, he thought of her as a test subject nobody would particularly miss but seeing her answer in class and want to participate and after going over her given information, he'd changed his mind. He felt she'd be more useful. Maybe a protege, if she accepted, of course. Crane wondered what did make miss Knightly tick. He was usually good at reading people, especially if they were so open about it or showed some sort of cover to hide fear. But Erin Knightly seemed to be many things that his students were not. He closed the document, having tried to find anything but it was the basic information any school system would have: age, address, grades, allergies/medications for the school nurse to know about, etc. Nothing nobody could look up. He had noticed no mention of a guardian or parents though and he opened the document again. That was interesting. Ah, parents were deceased and no guardian was named. 

Despite the fact he was considering, for a hot minute, that she would or might be useful to him, he knew nobody would miss her if she were to disappear regardless. He closed the document again and got up, going into the kitchen. He went to a cabinet and pulled out a generic thing of coffee grounds and started a pot of coffee. Taking off his glasses, he rubbed the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, trying to stay in thought. He'd forget about the redhead for now but would keep the idea in the back of his mind. It was too dangerous to do anything anyway, he had to keep a low profile until the right moment. It was necessary to stay invisible if he wished to continue to work on what he needed without anyone getting suspicious. 

\- - 

Cosmo met Erin at a diner just a block away from her apartment after her last class. The two exchanged stories after not seeing much of each other after summer had ended and Erin was busy with college classes. Cosmo told Erin he had dropped out of school and he was basically running the toy shop now. He begged her for answers and after beating around the bush a bit, Erin told him about Crane and her first day of class. 

"That's so weird", Cosmo chuckled, sipping at a vanilla coke. 

"I know. I like him though, he's pretty cool", Erin admitted, "I think it'll be a good class". 

"Just promise me you won't follow him into a dark alleyway or anything? Please? He sounds like one of those teachers that turns out to be a serial killer or something. You know that saying, don't trust the quiet ones, right?" Cosmo raised his eyebrows over his glasses. 

Erin laughed and shook her head, "I promise", stirred the rim of her iced tea with her finger and looked at him funny, "You don't think I'm bad right? I'm kind of quiet", she said half jokingly. 

Cosmo laughed, coughing as he had taken a sip of his drink, "You? Yeah, you're so bad", he joked, making a face, "Like...", he snapped his fingers, "You're like if Alice and the red queen were the same person. You're very dangerous, Erin", he made a sarcastic face. 

"Oh stop!" She playfully hit him. 

"See? Dangerous", Cosmo pretended to shake and cower. 

They both laughed and threw napkins and at each other, making other patrons in the diner glance at them and shake their heads. Erin blushed, feeling embarrassed and laughing with her hand over her mouth. The waitress gave them a look when they asked for more fries and another soda. Cosmo opened his wallet as he also asked for the check. 

"Cosmo, don't. I'll get it-" Erin pleaded in a huff. 

"Nope. I'm not going to let you. I got it. Dad gave me a promotion at work, it's the least I can do", Cosmo put his foot down. 

Erin crossed her arms and sighed, picking up her ice tea and taking a sip from it. They talked more about other things and trying to make plans for the weekend but Erin told him she was going to look for a job soon. Cosmo tried to talk her into working for him at the toy shop. 

"Just until you look for something else, please? I need help moving boxes and I'll you paint or do anything you want. The store could use some love", Cosmo was on the verge of begging. 

Erin sighed and tapped the table with her fingers, "Just until I find something else closer to campus and I can only work weekends", she told him. 

"Deal", Cosmo's shoulders sagged and he sat back. 

The friend's shook hands and Erin gazed out the window at the dwindling afternoon sunlight. Watching people walk, drive home. The traffic. People walking their dogs. Cosmo caught her eye and saw that she looked far off and sad. Something was bugging her but he'd leave her be. After their meal and the bill was paid, the friend's parted ways and Erin walked home. She promised her friend she'd call him to make sure she got home safe. As she walked back to her apartment, she thought about Mave, about James and about her dad. Arriving back to the safety of her apartment, she bolted the door and the lock and dropped her bag by the kitchen counter. Sinking down onto the floor by the couch and pulling her knees up and burying her face into them. 

Erin cried. 

She hadn't cried in weeks. Not since the night she had left her house for the last time. It was so quiet. Even with the hustle and bustle of Gotham's streets, even in the din of the late night traffic or the early morning air horn of a truck passing by, she felt alone and she feared it. A dark creature lurked in the corner of her mind, ready to pounce. She had stopped going to her counselor to save money. She wasn't sure if she could handle the depression right now but even with her upbeat attitude, the anxiety lingered still. And the dark creature would slip into her head in the middle of a dream and tear her apart with it's claws and tell her awful, horrible things and she would wake up feeling worse. She was afraid that it might be harder to hold on this time if she let go. 

After the tears dried, she was able to get to her feet and go to her bag and dig out the packet Crane had gave her. She made a kettle of tea and sat down at the make small cramped coffee table in front of the couch and started to work on her homework. By this time, Jonathan Crane had long finished his chicken pot pie, had had his third cup of coffee, and was setting up his work table for the evening, uncovering what was hidden under the white sheet. The television was on for white noise and after making sure no smells could leave the apartment, he got to work. Student and teacher unknowingly didn't find sleep until about the hour of 1 am and even then, neither really slept.


	2. Chapter 2

Nightmares had plagued Erin for a good few hours of the evening and only when she was able to relax and sleep properly, it was time for her to wake up sometime later. She struggled to get up, pressing her face into her pillow and wishing desperately for the weekend. The redhead inhaled with exhaustion, pushing herself off of her bed and undressed, walking naked into her bathroom for a shower. The hot steam and water woke her up as she washed her face and got herself motivated to keep moving forward. Sitting in her bathrobe not fifteen minutes later, tea and cereal were consumed, a second cup of tea following after as she got her bag ready for school. Erin did her due diligence in going over Crane’s work packet to make sure she had filled out every question to the best of her abilities. After going over her homework and making sure she had everything, she set about getting dressed and avoiding her own reflection in the mirror as she brushed her teeth. She saw the light bags under her eyes, she didn’t need the reminder.

While the walk to campus took roughly fifteen to twenty minutes, it was raining this particular morning and visibility was too dangerous to try crossing the streets, even with the stop lights. Erin grabbed the bus that would stop out in front of the campus library. She did her best to rest her eyes in that short period of time but her breakfast seemed to be trying to escape her stomach and this detoured any thoughts of rest. She skipped visiting Bradley for her usual tea to go and went to her first class of the day. If the rain in Gotham hadn’t been an omen, she didn’t know what would cement a perfect label to the day. Erin had been so focused on filling out Crane’s packet, she had forgotten that today she had tests in several classes and she had yet to study for them. Before each class, she tried to cram last minute looks at her notes but felt less confident as the day moved forward. 

She had skipped lunch due to her stomach still feeling like her breakfast was about to heave forward at any second and had opted to sit in the library til she had to go to class. Crane’s Biopsych class was to start in fifteen minutes and the notes in her bag seemed to weigh heavily as she carried her bag across campus. The grass was still heavily wet as she had to leave the cement pathway to veer towards the brick building and tried not to slip and slide too much as she made her way back onto the pavement and up the steps. As she entered Crane’s classroom, the first to arrive as usual, her mood towards the day grew sour and she slipped into her seat, taking out her packet and notes. Dread dripping off of her and making her feel as she had when she first woke up. Crane came in with his briefcase not long after and turned his head subtly to look her over. 

_Tired, shaking, dread._

He could feel part of himself feeding off her negative energy. He wondered what was going on inside of that mind of hers. He quickly glanced over her towards the windows as it began to rain again, watching each droplet stain the foggy glass and continued towards his desk before she noticed he’d been watching her. He put his briefcase down and started to write on the chalkboard. Erin zoned out through this, barely paying him any mind. She was too nervous and anxious and just wanted to get through today. She let her hands sit in her lap due to them shaking a bit and she made fists, closing her eyes and counting backwards under her breath. Trying to calm down. Trying to relax. Crane kept his ears strained to listen to this montra. He was keen to pick her apart but he’d let her come to him. That’s how this worked. Erin was very unaware of him as she continued to study the papers in front of her. 

The rest of the class arrived not long afterwards, most of them sporting umbrellas and raincoats. Wiping off their bags with paper towels. Breakfast sandwiches or bagels clutched in hands. One girl in particular had a piece of toast in her mouth as she searched her bag for a pen. As soon as everyone was done scrambling and had settled down, the air in the classroom grew thick and heavy. It was as though everyone had become zombie like, too afraid to say or do anything. Not even the occasional itch or moving to sit more comfortably. Crane walked around his desk, stopping to just put a hand on it, as though it was keeping him steady. 

“I shouldn’t have to assume all of you did as I asked and studied for this test”, his voice was smooth and the tone had an air of radio likeness, as though he was speaking to a midnight-madness crowd and about to tell a very frightening true story, “I only assume that judging by your peculiar eating habits”, he glanced over his glasses at some of the students that had come in with food, “No harm, I suppose”, that word seemed dangerously spoken as though he were slapping a hand with a ruler. 

He picked up a stack of papers from his desk, barely looking as he handed the front row each a stack to pass back to the person behind them. Erin barely missed this and jumped a little, glancing up once he reached her desk. Crane’s dark umber eyes met hers and she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand up a bit. She took the stack of papers, taking the first quiz off the top and handing the papers back to the person behind her. Crane stood by her desk to collect any extra papers, just in case he had printed more than needed. Once it seemed everyone had a quiz on their desk, he gave the same finger tap on hers as he had the day prior before addressing the class to start. 

“You have until the end of the period”, Crane stated as he made his way back to his desk. 

Erin put her head down and worked away at the quiz in front of her. It wasn’t that she couldn’t remember everything she had read and studied and filled out from the packet last night, it was that she was nervous she was going answer something wrong. Her hand shook a little and did her best to keep calm and not write quickly and answer questions to the best of her ability. Crane sat at his desk with a book, every few minutes he watched his class with as much interest as paint drying. Behind this disinterest, lurked a much more curious and thirsted individual. He could feel it clawing but he ignored it. Remaining pensive towards his book instead. 

It seemed like, by the end of the period, that this was going to be the normal routine. First to arrive, last to leave. Erin let the others leave before her and took her time packing her bag back up and handing her quiz in to Crane, if only stopping to make sure she had written her name and the date and she hadn’t left anything blank. Her nerves got the better of her and she handed in her paper with it facing down so he wouldn’t see anything she’d written. He’d read and grade it soon enough. Crane took her quiz from her and peered at her over his glasses. His mouth forming an awkward line as though it was his attempt to smile. Erin wasn’t sure why he was smiling and it didn’t seem to fit him in her eyes. She adjusted her bag on her shoulder, not sure what to say. 

“I’m sure you did fine”, He told her in an odd reassuring tone. 

Erin smiled a little and nodded, not quite convinced and left the classroom, her head turned toward her feet. She had trouble reading her unusual teacher and it was hard to tell if he was sincere or what. She had actually felt as though she had been drenched in ice water when his eyes had met hers at the start of class and it was something she didn’t wish to experience again. She was so lost in her thoughts that she nearly collided with Derek and David Tweedle as she walked across campus. The boys gave cheerful grins when they saw her. 

“Oh!” Erin jumped a little, “H-hi guys! I’m sorry!” She apologized quickly. 

“Oh it’s alright, Erin”, Derek told her. 

“Yeah. You needn’t apologize! What class were you comin’ from? We thought you were in Psych 101, we went to find you but the professor said you’d been transferred”, David looked a bit worried. 

Erin turned and gestured helpfully to the building, “I was just coming from Professor Crane’s Biopsych class”, though her smile quickly faded. 

David looked at her, “Aw, what’s wrong? Tell us”. 

“Yeah. Please tell us”, Derek mirrored his concern. 

They both spotted a nearby bench and looped their arms through Erin’s. Taking her over and helping her sit down, both taking a seat on either side of her. Erin set her bag down by her feet, playing with the leather strap. It didn’t seem like she was going to speak or say anything despite the twins patting her back and trying to comfort her. 

“I know!” David got up, “We can tell you a story”. 

“David, she doesn’t want to hear a story”, Derek told his brother, standing up. 

“We can tell her about the story we were given in our English class to analyze and dissect”, David gave a chipper smile. 

Derek sighed, rubbing his face, “Erin, please ignore me”. 

Erin stared at them, eyebrows raised and nearly disappearing into her dark red curls, speaking for the first time in the last ten or so minutes, “What story?” 

“Oh you know! You’ve read the book, right? The story of the Walrus and the Carpenter”, David replied. 

Derek gave a heavy roll of his eyes, “It’s not a cheerful story”, he gestured, “And of course she’s read _Alice in Wonderland_ ”, he added. 

Erin gave a slight laugh and tried to hide her amusement, clearing her throat, “Oh go on then, tell me the story!” 

“See! I told you she’d want to hear it” David started at his brother. 

This got him a shove from his brother and the two jumped into how their professor had given them that particular story to dissect together and look at it from their perspectives. Erin enjoyed both the original telling just like in Alice and then their interpretation of it. She clapped at the end and told them she enjoyed it. 

“Thank you, that really cheered me up”, Erin commented after. 

Both Tweedles bowed and then sat back down next to her, “Why were you so sad anyway?” came the echoed question from before. 

“Yeah, you can tell us”, Derek remarked, giving her a playful fist tap to the shoulder. 

Her shoulders sagged a bit. Mind trying to process the last week or so, yesterday, today. The bad dreams and terrible sleep that seemed to plague her. Erin shook her head, her ponytail swaying with bushy movement. “I...just….I didn’t expect to be put in a high class like Crane’s. I spent all night filling out and studying and forgot to study for my other class’s. I guess I’m just scared of not doing this right”. Her hands gripped her bag and she exhaled deeply. 

“You’re not alone though”, Derek reminded her. 

“Yeah, you’ve got us. Cosmo. I heard you’re friends with Bradley at the coffee place on campus”, David gestured with a thumb, “We’re here for you”. 

“Thank you”, She shyly blushed and smiled, “It’s just been hard”, she admitted. 

“We can come over for a pizza night this weekend, if you want? Derek and I will protect ya”, David offered. 

“We’ll make a weekend of it”, Derek chimed in. 

“That--that would be nice, actually”, Erin agreed. If only because the nights were the worst. The monster inside of her head chewed loudly almost every single night and she had no way of escaping until the sun came up. It was slowly getting harder again. There was no James to make her feel better or to reassure her. It was only herself now that she had to rely on. The idea of having Derek and David over for movies, pizza, maybe go out and do something like bowling at the mall or even go to the arcade, something, was more appealing then struggling to eat or nap for a few hours during the daylight hours, “Thank you guys, really”, she added. 

“Don’t think anything of it, okay?” David gave her a smile. 

Erin smiled earnesty, “Okay”. 

\- - 

Study hall was the last period of the day and Erin had stashed herself in the library. She started on her homework from her other class’s, leaving Crane’s two paged essay paper for later. Thankfully a lot her assignments weren’t due a week out or even two weeks because the professor’s seemed understanding of the packed schedule. Derek and David seemed keen on joining her and sat with her, once they found her. The three passed a note back and forth detailing times and when they’re weekend party should happen. Erin felt like her old self as they started planning snacks and soda. 

“You said earlier you were in Crane’s class?” David asked her. 

“Hmm hmm”, Erin nodded as she took out a book and a notebook, marking a stopping point with her pencil in another notebook so she could switch gears. 

“I was in his class last year”, David kept his voice down, making Derek having to lean in to listen, “I guess one of the other students was meeting with him as a sort of counselor I guess after school. Didn’t see this kid for a couple of weeks but then again it was break and when we came back for school, this kid looked like he’d seen a ghost. Just sort of scared of his own shadow. He said Crane was a good therapist and that he hadn’t been sleeping well. Just eerie to me the way he looked”. 

Erin’s throat went dry as though she had eaten a piece of peanut brittle and it had left a dry taste after swallowing it. Again, like before, the hairs stuck up on the back of her neck at thinking about Crane and the way he had looked at her in class. His dark umber brown eyes had given her goosebumps for sure. 

“Crane seems alright though”, She replied, pulling at the sleeve of her sweater. 

“Sounds like a crazy cook to me”, Derek mumbled. 

“Hmmm maybe you’re both right”, David agreed to both statements. 

Erin doodled on the side of her notebook once the two brothers started getting back to their homework. She wasn’t feeling up to taking notes and decided to skim read one of her textbooks instead. She had marked all of her books with color coded stickers so she could flip through pages and not worry about losing her place. 

\- - 

After the day was over, she let the Tweedles walk her home and she showed them the apartment. They spread out with books and homework and ordered pizza from down the street. Put on the TV on a fun crime-drama they barely paid attention to except to dub over lines or come up with their own endings or theories for the episodes. Despite it being a school night, Erin didn’t mind the company until it had gotten late and the brothers had to leave. 

“You sure you don’t need us to stand outside to guard the place?” Derek joked. 

“I don’t think the landlord might frown upon that”, Erin laughed. 

“Here’s our number btw”, David handed her a piece of paper, “Just in case you get into a fix and you need us to come help out or you don’t like being in this place alone”. 

“Thanks guys”, Erin smiled, giving them each a hug. 

After they left she felt a bit better about being alone but not even finishing the pizza that was left and having another glass of soda could really keep the monster within her mind from cackling about how pathetic she was. How much of a scared little girl she was. Her depression ate at her self-esteem and her confidence like nothing else. She swore the black hole got bigger and bigger when she was alone. But living alone was about building character and showing she could do this on her own. 

_Maybe she couldn’t. Maybe she couldn’t do this on her own._

Erin refused to believe this and threw open all of her textbooks and notebooks and went to work on her homework. She pushed away all thoughts except that on her college work. It was about midnight that she made herself a bowl of cereal, sitting Indian-style in pajama pants and tank top on the floor in front of the coffee table. A cup of tea on hand as well. She pushed herself to finish Crane’s essay assignment and her paper for English Lit before passing out on the couch. She awoke around 5am and groggily reached out for her notebook and took quick notes before moving to her text book and using a highlighter pen. Sleepily still, she got up and made herself another bowl of cereal, this time it was accompanied by pink frosted Strawberry pop tarts. With the kettle on, she sat down in the same spot she had been the night before and continued her  due diligence and decided to leave an hour before her first morning class. 

“I can do this”, Erin told herself in the mirror, “I can”. 

\- - 

To put herself in a good mood, she rode across town to Krank’s toy shop. Personally maybe seeing Cosmo would make her day better. She was greeted by Griffin Krank at the front desk when she walked in. He was reading the paper and eating a frosted doughnut with jelly. He looked up and beamed at her, closing his newspaper. 

“Well hello Ms. Knightly, haven’t seen you in a while”, He replied, “Cosmo’s told me you’re doing well in college. I’m so proud of you”. 

“Thank you”, Erin nodded, “Where is Cosmo? I was hoping to see him before classes started this morning”. 

Mr. Krank gave her a very apologetic look, “He’s getting the bus down the street at the corner. He just left”. 

“Thank you! I hope you have a good day!” Erin waved as she ran from the toy shop down around the corner. 

There were buses lined up outside of a bus station that sat on a corner. Stopping to catch her breath, she crossed the street to the depo and found Cosmo sitting with his luggage. From the looks of it, it was just a couple of bags. 

“Erin, what are you doing here?” Cosmo asked, noticing her heading towards him. 

“Me?” She smiled, laughing, “What are you doing here? Where are you going?” She gestured. 

“Dad is sending me to visit family for a while”, Cosmo told her, “I took over the shop but I haven’t gotten out or done anything besides work and dad is worried I might be going stir crazy”, he gestured by making a ‘crazy/coocoo’ twirl of his finger next to his head, “You know. Turn crazy and turn the toys into death machines or something”. 

Erin nodded her head in understanding, “No. You need a break”. 

Cosmo put his hands on her shoulders, “I’ll be back, don’t worry. Gotham never really spits you out. It’ll drag me back”, he pushed his glasses back up onto his face. 

He gave her a comforting hug before his bus was called and he had to go. Erin watched him get on the bus and once in his bus seat, the two friends waved to each other before Erin made a gesture she had to go and gave a last wave to him before hurrying off to a catch a bus back to campus. Cosmo watched her run off and turned away rather sadly and put in his head phones. 

\- - 

She got into her first class before the bell and that was something. Her head spun dizzily at the sight of Cosmo leaving Gotham only having talked to him a couple of days before. She didn’t bother wearing her hair up in a ponytail either and played with the hair tie in her lap. Her first class had a substitute teacher and they showed a film, so she could zone out and not worry about it counting as school work. By her second class, she seemed more refreshed and was able to concentrate, even accepting a chai tea from David and Derek in between classes. It was English Lit, in the middle of the morning, that caused her day to go sideways. 

Her English teacher stood with her arms crossed and a very irritable annoyance about her face as though she had been frozen like that for years since reaching her 50’s. She had handed the redhead her test back and acted as though the redhead had done something to ruin her own reputation as a teacher. Like a child embarrassing their parent. 

“Ms. Knightly, I thought you had such promise”, the teacher replied, talking to her in private before class. 

A red **C** marked the top right corner of the paper. Erin’s heart sunk low at seeing that grade. She couldn’t even bare to see what questions or answers were deemed wrong. She looked up from her paper to her disapproving teacher. 

“I know college boys are all you young girls can think about but either buckle down more or find another major. Your homework was so remarkable before this week”, she scuffed with a sigh. 

Erin opened her mouth to ask what was the problem so she could fix or ask to retake the test or do some extra homework but couldn’t find her voice to and closed it again. She put her paper away in her bag and told her teacher she would do the former and work harder to improve her grade. After allowing other students to go into the classroom ahead of her, she went to her seat and slumped in it. Her teacher handed back the student’s papers and some seem relieved and others left also devastated. Erin didn’t notice as she barely looked up. She didn’t even register someone telling her not to worry about it and told her their teacher was an old bee-in-the-cow-house with a capital B. 

She skipped lunch to hide in the girls bathroom and barely spoke to anyone, even the few girls who all knocked on her stall to see if she was okay. Erin stayed there until it was time for Crane’s class but even she didn’t feel like facing anyone at this point in time. Arriving early, instead of going straight to her desk, she went up to Crane himself. He was sitting at his desk and looked up to find her standing before him, hair a mess and her entire body shaking amid standing still. 

“Professor Crane, may I please sit in your office today? I’m not feeling well”, Erin was able to get out through an odd luck of courage. 

Crane lifted an eyebrow curiously, “What seems to be the matter? You should go see the nurse if you’re not feeling well-” 

Erin turned her face to look at him, “It’s not that. I just….I just need to work alone today. Please?” 

The professor stood up from his seat and guided her to a door to the far right of the room. He opened it and led her into his office. Turning one the light. It was beige with no windows, two dark leather chairs across from a small wooden desk. There was a water cooler in the corner and the only light was that on the ceiling. There was nothing of relevance on the desk aside from a computer, a phone and a calendar. Erin put her stuff down in one leather chair and sat down in the second. Crane walked around to his desk and opened up a drawer and pulling out a couple of tissues. He, with little emotion but doing it out of politeness, handed them to her. Erin took the tissues and Crane leaned against his desk. 

“Is there anything you to talk to me about? I’m not the school’s counselor but I am a psychologist”, He stated in a matter-of-fact tone. 

“No. Not right now”, Erin shook her head, putting her hair behind her ear, “Thank you Professor”. 

Crane nodded and left her alone in his office as the other students had started arriving to class. Erin took out her math homework, as much as it pained her to do that first, she couldn’t bare to look at her English Lit class work at the moment. She wiped her eyes with the tissues Crane had given her and she even gotten some water from the water cooler in the corner. Once she was settled, she felt a bit better hidden in here. Time seemed to slip by slowly but she was enjoying it regardless about how empty the room felt. Crane came to check on her while everyone was copying notes off a project screen and gave her the notes from class. Erin thanked him and copied the notes down. She answered each of the questions and statements and was content to write as much or little as she wanted. But it was her anxiety to do better that was causing her to overwork herself and she had about a few different notebooks open by the time Crane checked on her before class was over. He frowned visibly and raised his eyebrows at how much she was unloading on herself. 

“I think that’s enough work for today”, He cleared his throat to get her attention. Going over and closing her note book for her, “Take tonight off, Ms. Knightly. No homework for my class”, he paused, “Come talk to me tomorrow”. It wasn’t a question. 

Erin silently put her books and notebooks back into her bag, standing up from her seat. She tossed the plastic cup away, pocketing the tissues hurriedly. Crane followed her out and Erin waited at her desk before the class was dismissed. The class between his class and her last study period had been cancelled and Erin was thankful for that. She didn’t even wait for the bus, instead just deciding to walk back to her apartment. Between seeing Cosmo off at the bus station and her walking home, her day felt like an oil painting being rained on. The colors were faded and all that was left was a mess. 

Throwing down her bag onto the couch, Erin slumped to the floor and pulled up her legs, resting her chin on them. Her heart and stomach seemed empty somehow and tears flooded slowly down her cheeks. She didn’t want to look at anything in her bag right now. She stowed in a chair across the room, away from her. Getting into more comfortable clothes, she made herself dinner. Macaroni and Cheese with cut up hotdogs and hot apple cider. Comfort food. She found the dumbest comedy on television and ate her meal and tried to enjoy herself as much possible. 

For the first time in the last two days, Erin found herself going to bed relatively early. She felt emotionally exhausted and drained. She didn’t even bother getting into pajamas as she laid down and hugged her pillow close. The apartment felt cold and alone but she didn’t have time to dwell on that as she fell into an uneasy restless sleep. 

\- - 

**_Failure. FAILURE. FAILUURREEE._**

The redhead gave a breathless scream as she sat up, sweat pouring down her forehead. She pulled her legs to her chest and hugged them tightly, gasping for breath as she tried to control her breathing. Tears welled up in her eyes and she choked them back, coughing some and gripping her legs even more. She started to cry into her knees. The nightmare had been so vivid. Walking into her old house and finding the walls covered in her C-graded paper. Mave was there, standing on the stairs and pointing at her. Telling her she was a failure. Shouting, _“YOU COULDN’T SAVE ME?! AND NOW THIS!!”_ and holding up the paper she had gotten the bad grade on. 

Mave turned into her father and then James, each berating her for her poor choices and her paper. Her father telling her how disappointed her mother was, a woman she had never knew in the first place, in her bad grade. _“Good thing she’s already dead because of you”._

Erin grabbed her legs even harder, toppling over onto her bed as she cried even harder. Her body shaking. The nightmare was over but the, albeit untrue, words still rang in her head. The voices sure sounded real to her. She could feel her chest squeezing tightly as she fought back the urge to vomit. She clutched at her sheet, squeezing it tightly. It took awhile but the tears subsided. Her cheeks were still damp but she had finally calmed down, at least enough to get herself to sit up and slowly get up. Her body trembled as she shuffled her way out into the living space and went into the bathroom. Grasping the bathroom sink, Erin turned on the water, taking a few shallow breaths before splashing water onto her face. 

“1...2...3...4...5…”, She counted under her breath. 

She had seen a therapist back when Mave had died and the woman had helped her understand ways of calming herself down. Erin wiped her face with a towel and filled the glass by the sink and drank from it slowly. The visuals of her nightmare were gone. The remains of it were gone too. Pushed back into the recesses of her brain. Erin set her glass back by the sink and left the bathroom, making her way to the chair where her bag was stowed. The room was dark and felt claustrophobic in the few minutes it took for her to reach it. Opening her bag, she pulled out the graded paper and stared at it. The C stared at her mockingly. Erin put it back in the stack of papers and closed her bag again. 

Making her way back to her bed, she thought about going to talk to Professor Crane. She had heard some of the students talking about how he sometimes took students after school if they were struggling. She wondered if Crane could perhaps help her in some way. She hadn’t gone back to her therapist since she had had no reason to but with Cosmo having left Gotham and having nobody else to turn to, she had no other choice. She had to talk to someone. 

\- - 

Even though Jonathan Crane had no overpowering insight or special abilities whatsoever, it was like he knew what was about to happen. He sat in his office, second or third cup of coffee that morning writing up notes for a lecture he was giving later in the day. His email was open but he barely side glanced at the boring responses from students and faculty. His pen stopped slowly to a scrawl on the notepad when he heard a knock on the door. Crane’s movement of lifting his head was without interest but at the same time, he was peaked. 

“Come in”, Crane announced, having barely lifted his eyes from the papers in front of him. 

Maybe it was because he had seen this coming or maybe he had hoped it would, either way it didn’t shock him to see Erin Knightly opening his office door. She looked as he felt: tired yet somewhat refreshed due to a morning beverage. She was clutching a styrofoam cup with a tea label on it in one hand, her bag slowly coming off of her shoulder and in her other hand, she clutched a piece of paper. Crane, acting surprised to see her, stood up from his chair, his long fingers reaching down to button one of the buttons of his tweed jacket. He gave her a fake sympathetic smile, showing only one emotion that could make or break this situation. If she was as naive as she looked, he felt it was worth it. Erin flashed a polite smile back and shuffled into his office. She sat down in one of the chairs as Crane walked over to close his office door, making sure nobody had followed her or was snooping. She took sips from her cup of tea, setting it down on the small table in between the chairs. 

“I’m surprised to see you here this early”, Crane remarked casually, turning towards her. 

Erin sat quietly, reaching up to push her hair behind her ear before setting her hands in her lap. Still clutching the piece of paper as though it had something cursed upon it and she was too scared to show it. She finally turned towards the professor and gestured with the paper. Crane took it from her, seeing how she was granting him permission to look at it. 

“A _‘C’_ in English Literature”, He murmured, “Isn’t that your majoring class?” He knew the answer already but thought it necessary to do these social interactions as they were. It was the only way he could get her into his class. 

“Y-yes”, Erin nodded, taking a breath as she spoke, “I haven’t been able to perform well in my classes and I thought I was doing well but”, she took a long pause, trying to figure out what to say to him. She was having a hard time spitting out the words. She wasn’t good at asking for help and she thought she could handle this on her own. “I was wondering if...if maybe I could talk to you-” 

“I’m only a psychiatrist in Biopsych, fear, my dear”, Crane started to say innocently. 

Her cornflower blue eyes widened a bit, maybe a bit too desperately for her character, “But if I don’t talk to someone, it might get worse”, she was practically sitting up right, looking at him pleadingly. 

“Oh?” Crane’s attention peaked with interest. _What might get worse?_   

Those dark eyes on her again over his dark framed glasses, Erin felt tense like a small animal getting stalked but she pushed through it enough to reach out for help. She had to. She gestured with her hands wordlessly, trying to think of how to approach this. 

“I--I have a bit of a problem with depression”, She quietly answered, “My nightmares keep getting worse. I thought they stopped for a while but they’ve gotten worse since college started. I’m not sleeping great and I fear my grades will get affected if I don’t talk to someone about this. I used to go to a therapist years ago but--”, she trailed off, feeling her own heart pumping in her ears. A chill reached up her spine as though a ghostly hand had touched the back of her neck. 

Something in Crane stirred, the back of his mind seemed to wake up and with it, something was sniffing hungrily. Wanting to feed. He remained emotionless while she spoke but he watched her closely. 

“Shouldn’t you be talking to your therapist then?” He asked curiously. 

“I thought you might be a better option”, the redhead admitted honestly, “I’m on my own and with school and with how I’m feeling, I felt maybe you’d better equipped”, she paused and stared at her knees for a time and then back at Crane, “I hear you take student patients after school sometimes”. She honestly didn’t know what to else to say or how to word what she wanted. She felt a fleeting feeling of unease around him but it was either beg him until he agreed or let herself be consumed by her depression and anxiety. She saw no other options at this point in time. 

Crane mused with the idea, _“I suppose I’ll agree to this. All the more to reason to make her my new guinea pig. A few sessions with me and she’ll be ripe for the picking for my new drug. She’ll be fun to pick apart”._ He moved to stand next to her and placed a hand on her shoulder, “I don’t usually take students as patients per-say, Ms. Knightly. I usually only see students for advice for academic purposes. But you’d be my first official patient and I hope I can be of assistance for you”. 

Erin’s eyes lit up, “Really?” It was like this was too good to be true. Part of her considered that he didn’t seem the type to really offer help but maybe she had judged too quickly due to his demeanor, “Thank you so much”, she smiled happily, offering her hand to him. 

Crane stared at her as she put her hand out. He wasn’t above social norms such as handshakes, it was just rather entertaining to him and maybe a bit odd in this situation. He reached out and shook her hand in return. He pegged she was perhaps running on a small amount of sleep, therefore a hand shake seemed sensible to her. He watched her pick up her tea and take another sip from it as she started to stand up from her chair, picking up her bag. 

“We’ll start after school tomorrow. Three O’clock sharp”, Crane explained as she Erin started towards the door. He had gotten between her and the door quickly and opened the door for her. 

“Three o’clock, got it”, Erin nodded, taking out a pen and writing it down on the cap of her cup. 

Though she had been nervous about asking for assistance, she felt proud of herself for mustering the courage to do so. It was the step in the right direction for sure. And unbeknownst to her, it would be the first domino in a long line of events to come.


End file.
